I shouldn't have had kids, in fact I shouldn't have ever gotten married. Have you ever had that moment of clarity? It might come to you in the calm after the storm but it's there, nonetheless. This isn't to say I don't love my kids and my husband with my whole heart. The fact is they don't have a thing to do with this realization. They are not the problem, truth be told, they are amazing. I am the problem. I am not mentally fit to be that important in someone's life. This isn't me looking to you for sympathy or reassurance that I am not what I believe myself to be. I've known what a scene my life is since the age of 12, of course at that age it's hard to grasp the intensity and the importance of mental illness. But it does come to you, little by little that life, although not meant to be easy, is going to be really fucking hard for you.
